youre lurking in front of me
Duck Duck Cougar?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
