my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
