is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
