check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
