shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
