Where did you get a picture of my penis
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
