Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize