Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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