i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
