went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
