my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I love you. Go after that dick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
