it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
