who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
