She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
