I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
