He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
