Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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