I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
