I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
