You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Are we still banned from the library?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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