Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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