I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
