My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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