dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
