Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
