I cockslap morals
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
