You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
