Will you blow on my dice?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
