i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
