Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
