My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
