if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
