Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.