just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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