Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
