I wish I only lived at night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
