Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
