His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
