Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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