i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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