I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
