I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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