Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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