The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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