KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
