i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize