I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
