Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
