I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
