he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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