I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
