he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
