So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
