One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
