someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
