Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize