I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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