He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
