Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
