We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
