If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
