Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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