When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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