ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
