Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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