HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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