Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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