it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
