12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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