He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
3pm strippers are depressing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
