we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
