It's like God shit irony all over that family
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
