bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
