Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
