Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
