the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize