now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.