Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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