I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse