but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?