there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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